all i could really say when he told me was wow.
here i was about to poor out my heart to him and he calls .
i dont know why he called me but he did. i thought maybe he was going to express himself and that the text messages were irritating him.
he said exactly what i was thinking but in a different way.
about how he didnt know if and when we would ever be together again. he couldnt focus on it now because that would be later and he is worried about now. there is a lot going on that he has to focus on and he just doesnt have time for it or to stress himself about it.
i feel the same way and i knew that much„,but then he said something that caught me more than off guard.
he said and to be honest when i ask you to hang out its because i want to have sex with you, not for anything else. and thats what it is , im sexually attracted to you but im mentally attracted to someone else, and i should have told you that a long time ago and im sorry but thats what it is.
my mind stopped dancing .
all i could mouth was wow.
i told him cool and thanks , then told him good-bye
i cried for 10 minutes
i couldnt breath , i thought maybe i would die right then and there.
i opened my eyes and looked at the long message of my love for him and deleted it .
i deleted the message and deleted his number .
i wanted to erase every memory and feeling i ever had for him.
i want to hate him and i thought of calling back after thinking about what just happened and asking is that all it ever was between us. were you just fucking me. were you pretending to care. was anything forreal.
it almost makes me want to date a girl, im so over the dick.
and you know whats funny, my dad told me to just ask the guy, what do you want from me and i didnt even ask him, he just called and told me. and its just good to know that his answer was the truth and not some bullshit .
im not over yet but i will be.
that makes it easy though, for me to move on and invest my thoughts into something else now .
it makes me remember my dreams and it makes me want them more.